Embracing time alone

There are moments in our life, that the universe forces us to be alone.

We can accept it and embrace it the best we can, or we can increase our consumption to social media, series, unhealthy relationships, alcohol or whatever may distract us from the truth.

 

And what truth is that?

The truth is that it’s time to heal. It’s time to process repressed emotions, unhealed wounds. It’s time to let go of a past that no longer serves you, but still lives in every cell of your body. You need to release the pain, the hurt. You need to cry.

And it is scary as hell. Oh girl. Embracing time alone is the scariest thing I have done, after leaving home when I was 18 years old. Why? Because despite of knowing it was the only way possible, it still scared me to death. I felt I was not ready. And you know what? I wasn’t.

I wasn’t the person who leaves home when is that young. Instead, I was insecure, egocentric, antisocial, repressed. I was in so much pain. But the point here, is that you don’t have to be the ideal you to take that leap. You just have to understand that wherever you are, with whatever you have, is more than enough to embrace the next step. And I can guarantee you something: life will have your back.

Life supports everything that creates more life. And that means, that it will support bravery. It will support boldness. It will support everything that is done from the heart. Trust me on this.

So, finally, after 11 years, life is giving me the chance to be alone. And I must say, I have looked for it also. I knew I needed some quietness in my life, after a two long years storm. And I can tell you, it was a non stop one. I am still healing from all that has happened in my life in such a short period of time. In fact, I am healing from wounds I had from long ago.

 

So why is it so scary to be alone?

Well, I feel it is because some uncomfortable emotions are so rooted, that we literally think we are going to die if we allow ourselves to feel them. And indeed, somehow we are becoming ready to let go of parts of ourselves that no longer serve us, some believes. Some misinterpreted emotions. So it is indeed the end of something. But it is for the best. It is to allow a more light and authentic version of ourselves to flourish.

In other words, it is our time to make peaces with who we have been till this moment, accept it, be okay with it, and then give ourselves a chance to write a new chapter. Or even, a whole new book. It is the understanding that we have the power to write a story in our heads that serves us, instead of one that diminish us.

But of course, it is not easy to confront those areas that need work. It is very challenging. It is so challenging, that most people will never dare to do it. The good news, is that if you are reading this is because you are probably ready (or at least willing), to give it a go. To be a mess for a while, to cry for a while, to hug yourself for a while. To be mad and to break free from the expectations that others, but mainly you, have set for yourself. Congratulations.

The common denominator

So how do you know you are taking the right step? Well, the common denominator I see in my life before any big change, is that what moved me to act was not to run away from something, but rather to find myself:

• The reason I left home at such young age, was because I needed to understand who I was. I felt so lost. I needed to be with myself and distance myself from everyone who had a very fixed idea of who I was, or who I was supposed to be.
• The reason I left my city again, 10 years later, was after a major crisis in my life again. This time, I was not running away either, but instead I knew, deep in my heart, I needed to distance myself from everything to gain perspective, to heal and to find myself again.

So I guess, what moves you is a bigger purpose. Knowing that you are meant for more, but still are not quite sure how is that going to happen. And I am here to tell you, it is okay, you are on the right path.

 

What will you experience when you are alone?

For me, the most challenging thing has been about connection. Sometimes, I have truly felt I was completely alone. And because I am in a new country, where I don’t fully understand the native language and the weather is also challenging, the feeling of isolation has been even bigger. This has been so damn challenging. But so necessary in the process of healing. I tell you why:

The moment I surrendered to the feeling, instead of trying to repress it or run away from it, I could finally understand where it was coming from. In the book: “When you are ready, this is how you heal” 2022, the author Brianna Wiest, says it so beautifully: An emotion will remain in our body, until we allow it to reveal the lesson it has for us. Touché.

The next realization I had was that we are not our feelings. That feeling of loneliness was coming from a very rooted wound. In this case, it means that it was a combination of a story I told myself accompany with a very strong sense of feeling misunderstood and unloved. But this doesn’t mean that I will blame my old self for it either. No. We process things the best we way can to protect us and to survive. The good news is that now, as adults, we have the chance to take better care of our heart.

And finally, it has allowed me to reach out. Understanding my longing for connection* as a part of me that needed to heal, has allowed me to reach out to friends and family members I feel safe being vulnerable with. And it has been so scary, but so tender at the same time. I have felt so much love and care. In the end, I have realized that showing our true self, gives other the chance to love and show up for the parts of ourselves that we believe are not that lovable.

 

So, is there hope at the end of the tunnel?

I want to end this post by telling you that I am sensing a shift in my mindset, and this is going to happen to you too, sooner or later. Today I woke up to a brighter future. The past is finally where it belongs.

So I want to share with you some of the things that are helping me getting there:

1. Accepting where you are now. Instead of fighting again against all the things that are not working in this new city, I am finally giving myself the chance to adapt and get the best out of this experience. This means adjusting some things at work, not settling for people who are not my tribe, and finding routines and activities that excite me.
2. Embracing your time alone. Now, I am spending a lot of time alone and I am loving it. I am saying no to plans because I’d rather keep discovering myself through the books I read, the things I love. And I am making peaces with passions I had left behind because I thought I could only pick one. Nonsense! If you have multiple passions or are multi-talented, embrace it. And if you have no idea what you are passionate about, this is an amazing time to discover new things.
3. Rest. Wow, am I resting… It is unbelievable. Sometimes I feel I will stay in bed all day. And you know what, it is okay. Your body needs to process all the healing. And the truth is, I’ve been sensing lately that I need one week for myself. To be fully on my own. No work, no social interactions. So, my commitment to you is that I will give myself the chance to do it.

What will be your commitment to yourself?

 

Notes

*If you struggle with unhealthy patterns in your love life, I strongly recommend you the book: “Deep dating: how to drop the games of seduction and discover the power of intimacy” (2015) by Ken Page. I will talk about it in more detail in another post.

All the love xx